Thursday, October 27, 2011

Waging Wars Against Sickness & Candy....The Low-down

I realized I have been pretty lazy in my blogging lately...there's lots going on here but that's no excuse not to check in mid-week and update everyone as to what is going on in my world. Because I know you're just dying to know.....right? No? Well, I'm gonna share anyway....

The big headline of the day is that I am sick. Sick, sick, sick. I've got a wonderful cold that is slowly moving it's way from nose to throat to chest...I've already got laryngitis, and I anticipate this will soon result in that horrible death rattle cough - you know the one I am talking about. It's what inspired those Mucinex commercials. I'm sure of it.
Yeah, I'd say this jackass has definitely worn out his welcome.

Sunday was the last day I felt somewhat human. I barely have a voice and my nose is running constantly. In short, Good Times. Ha - Not.

In other news, the Halloween candy needs to be hidden. NOW. I am not sure how much more willpower I have to resist it. As a matter of fact, (honesty alert! honesty alert!) yesterday, I didn't. Me and the Reeses Peanut Butter cups had a face-off yesterday and I lost. Halloween candy - 1, Rochelle - 0.
I feel stronger today and my sugar craving has been subsided, but I am still upset that I couldn't hold out this year. I thought I might be able to do - but....nope.
It wasn't the type of candy carnage that has occurred in years past - but I did eat 2 of them, and admittedly wanted more. It's apparent that I still don't have the Sugar Demon beat and I am not sure that I ever will.

There is a happy twist to this story, even with my candy digression. This week I have been eating noticeably less. I guess it's the sickness, but honestly, I still have an appetite - so it's not that I am just avoiding eating because I have no desire to. Maybe being busy counts for something....we are having a Halloween party here on Saturday and we have been prepping the house this week and getting ready - ie: decorating ( I have a whole cleaning workout that is going to happen today too - hours of calorie burn ahead indeed!). Plus I have had a few projects due for school that have consumed my time. Either way, my mind has been less on eating, and more on getting other crap done. This is a good thing because there have been so many times when the opposite was true.

When i hopped on the scale this AM, it read 227.75 - down a pound from my last weigh in. Again, I have no real exercise to thank - just less calories (minus the Reeses). It's funny though - I am extremely  motivated to keep the downward trend going now that I have seen a bit of movement on the scale. It makes me all the more aware of the choices I am making throughout the day. I think it's safe to say, I won't be having any show-downs with the Halloween candy today.

And just because it's almost Halloween, I'll leave you with a little non-caloric eye-candy. I don't know if I have ever expressed just how much we get into it around here.....but I LOVE it. Last night we walked in our town parade (those are the witch and Hamburglar pics)....the other pics are from last year's trick or treat night.


Channeling Anna Wintour for trick or treat at my friend's house last year.

My husband, The Hamburglar!
I do ugly just a little too well....
Who doesn't enjoy a little Mailman Stew?
Trick or Treat night at our place last year. I may have made a kid or two cry....
Spookiest house on the block...
My hubs and I make a good team - I design and he executes with power tools! May I present, the Martha Witch!

Monday, October 24, 2011

Christmas Dress Challenge - Week 5 Update

If meeting my Christmas Dress Challenge goals was the determinant of whether I received beautifully wrapped presents under my tree or a filthy bucket of coal for Christmas, I am pretty sure I'd be receiving the latter. I swear every time I say I am going to kick butt, something else always ends up kicking my butt.

Not that this week was any kind of epic fail, mind you.  I did manage to lose .25 pounds - by the mere grace of God, and nothing else, I can assure you. This week was busy for me and busy always means pushing all the things I know I should be doing to the "weigh" side, so to speak. Hence the minimal loss, lackluster attitude and general feeling of disconnect I have this week with my weight loss goals.
I know, I know - a loss is a loss, no matter how small. I say the same thing to others when they are unhappy about the barely-there movement on the scale. I know down is better than up. Loss is better than gain. Less chub is better than more chub. You get the idea.

And really, I should be jumping for major joy because I feel like I didn't do anything to really "earn" that quarter of a pound. All I can think of is that it must be some sort of bonus the Fat Fairies are throwing me for not strapping the humongous bag of Halloween candy to my face like a feedbag the second my husband brought it through the front door.

Allow me to recap the week and all it's unimpressive glory: First off,  I barely exercised - as in, I only took two walks this week (about 50 mins each), not to mention my water consumption was subpar at best (my body is feeling this especially), and sweat was definitely not part of my vocabulary this week. Maybe my portions were a smidgen smaller? Who knows. Whatever the case may be for dropping, I'll take it. One stinking quarter pound at a time if I have to.

I am very much hoping for a better week this week but I have this nagging cold that took hold of me yesterday that is making me feel like I'm paying for something horrendous I did in a past life. Working out isn't on my mind - but sleep sure is. I'd be sleeping right now if I could. Unfortunately I have class tonight so there goes that idea. Pffft. Like air out of a balloon, I tell ya.

I hope everyone else is having a better week. I may not get to my commenting on everyone's blogs until tomorrow, but I will get there eventually.
We have about 9 weeks until Christmas, right? I'm thinking forget about Miracle on 34th Street - I need a miracle right here.
Dear Santa, won't you please bring me a smaller ass for  Christmas?

Monday, October 17, 2011

Cup Half Full vs. Cup Half Empty - Challenge Update Week 4

If I'm the type of person that looks at the cup as being half full, then this has been an amazing week for weight loss for me. I shed 3.25 pounds, which is the most I have dropped in a week in what feels like forfreakingever. However...if I'm a cup half empty type of gal (and I think I might be today), this really isn't all that impressive considering the 3.25 pound loss leaves me at 229 pounds which IS THE SAME WEIGHT I WAS AT ON JULY 29  (and various days in September as well)!!!!! So basically I have been up and down the scale flirting with this number for MONTHS.

Hey, I'm happy the anniversary weekend weight is bidding me adieu - make no mistake. I just know that the loss this week is simply one more time I am losing weight I already lost over the past few months. It's so very, very annoying to say the least.

The one thing that IS good about it, is that the loss has mentally given me another boost of hope that this whole thing is not for naught. It proves that I do know what to do - and what not to do. I'm not saying I met my goals in every way - but I made an effort and it paid off. Having the realization this week as to what works has provided me with a bit of a conundrum however, and I don't know how I can continue doing it because it basically involves my husband being away on a business trip, until I reach my goal appears I eat far less when he isn't home than I do when he is here.
Does anyone else have this issue?

For some reason I was perfectly content having an apple and a piece of cheese for dinner when he was away, but when he is home, suddenly I need to eat half a chicken and a pile of roasted potatoes????? What gives?

I actually hate when my husband travels so this "diet" simply won't do. Looks like Plan B is in order - which is actually stick with meeting my goals. How genius! Thankfully this is, once again, a new week and a new chance to get it right.

This week I definitely need to be extremely mindful of portions (the biggest issue I have when eating with my husband) and get my water in. That is something I have been really bad about and I know it makes all the difference in the world. Exercise wise, I am not being too much of a slug, but again, there is room for vast improvement. I need to stop letting my damn school work consume my days. Somehow I must master the work smarter, not harder method of doing my school work.

I've also decided that going forward, I am not going to blog or comment on others blogs unless I have worked out. That alone may be the ticket since I do enjoy getting on here and sharing what is going on in my world and hearing about what is going on in yours.
So here's to another week....let's see if I can kiss this 229 goodbye for good.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Yet Another Reason To Hate Being Fat: Shoe Shopping

I had the most miserable shopping experience the other day...

It occurred to me that it's now the middle of October, and the temperatures will be dropping into the 50's and 40's sooner than I care to admit.  Transitional seasons confuse my fashion sense at times. For example, I struggle with letting go of my white pants on a 89 degree September day just because the calendar says I should. And I'm never quite sure just how long I can milk the wearing of my knee high leather boots in the springtime. Something tells me by Memorial Day, I've already over-extended myself on wearing those by a good couple of months or so.  Right now I'm a little worried that my flip flops aren't exactly the best form of footwear to pair with my winter coat and scarf this year...and there in lies the problem, my friends.

I need to find some closed-toe shoes - stat.

I'll be the first to admit I'd spend all year in flip flops if I thought it was socially acceptable. I have come to find out it's not - so now I have to go and find shoes that not only fit my hideous fat Fred Flintstone feet, but have some semblance of style that is not associated with a 87 year old woman who suffers from severe hammer toes, watermelon sized bunions and gnarly crusty corns. In other words, I am trying to avoid buying shoes that look like this:

Let's just say I'm not ready to go all "orthopedic granny" on my footwear just yet.....but my feet probably wish I would. While I may not suffer from bunions, hammer toes or corns, I do have a horribly high instep that leaves many, many, MANY shoe styles on the "go ahead and look but don't even think about wearing" list. Basically it boils down to this: if I like a shoe style-wise, it is probably going to be a huge old Hell No for my feet. Because of my extremely high instep (and let's face it, the extra fat on my feet) I get this odd mini-muffin top thing happening on my foot when I try on shoes that are cut a certain way. It's like the shoe digs into my foot the way a belt would dig into your middle if you made it too tight, causing your belly to pour out over the top of your pants. Use your best mental imaging skills to picture my foot kind of bulging over the top of the shoe if it is cut anywhere in the center of my instep, or close to my toe cleavage. Never mind the fact that I also have WIDE feet (but of course) that just adds to this already 'shitty on it's own' issue.  It's getting harder and harder to find any shoes that I can jam these sausage hooves into that won't result in me being crippled after 20 minutes. Keep in mind the mental trauma I have from all of this - I used to work in the fashion industry and spent years practicing the "fashion before comfort" rule. Once upon a time I used to LIVE in 4" platform heels. These days, uh...not so much.

Anyway, I digress.  After my realization that flips flops are really not the new black of cold weather footwear, I ventured out to DSW to do a little shopping. It's boot season ladies, and I don't know about you, but if you have wide calves, as I do, boot shopping is the ultimate bitch.
Not ONLY do I feel like are my calves wider than the Hoover Dam BUT I have short legs to boot (no pun intended) so the whole proportion thing is off, too...wide calf boots usually hit me at a weird place making the widest part of the opening up by my knee. So that wide part meant to accommodate a wide calf? Maybe that works on someone taller than 5'....but that person isn't me. I have found a few pairs to sort of work - usually they involve some type of stretch material, and a whole lot of sweating and cursing while putting them on.

But finding real honest to goodness normal shoes is still a huge issue....I can't help but wonder if losing weight will help my feet get back into fashion too? It's just one more thing to hate about being fat....(and the list goes on).

So with all of this said, it's probably a good thing that last week's gain is starting to disappear. As of yesterday I was back at 229, so that is a loss of 3.25 pounds since Monday.....
Hey, if it gets me back in some cute shoes, I'm damn near willing to do anything!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Diet Schizophrenia

The post I am about to write isn't a good one....but it isn't a "bad" one either. I'm tired of viewing dieting in terms of being good and bad. There's more to dieting than a basic black or white description of "how I'm doing." In short, this post is more of a realistic, here it is, I can't deny it or lie, type of post. I debated even writing it, but you know what? If I don't, my situation doesn't improve anyway, so I thought to myself, why avoid it?

I know I'm waaaaay late on the Christmas Dress Challenge post, so I apologize - but I wanted to get my "results" in anyway, because this blog is about honesty, and it's about accountability, no matter how ugly some weeks are. And this week? Well, this week is like Freddy Krueger on the ugly scale - just so you know.

Allow me to recap: I am just returning from a nice long weekend celebrating my 1 year anniversary. Sigh....I spent the past few days swimming in good memories and reminiscing about the happiest year of my life. Good times, indeed.

And make no mistake - by celebrating, I mean celebrating like a fat person. Not celebrating like a person who is is trying to lose weight. In other words, there was no calorie or point counting, or refusing of alcoholic beverages, or saying no to sweet indulgences that appeared in the shape of the top tier of my wedding cake. Oh no.

I know, I know - gasp all you want. It happened. There is no going back. Let's just say, I will not be receiving calls to be Jenny Craig's next spokesperson, nor will Jennifer Hudson have to give up her spot to make way for me as the new face of Weight Watchers.

BUT there were moments of sanity....moments that told me not all is lost. There was exercise - walks on the beach and into town with the dogs, riding bikes and well, other forms of exercise. Use your imagination (it was our anniversary, after all). A-hem......TMI????
Ok then.

In short, if I had to sum up what I feel like these days, it's a kind of like I'm going through diet schizophrenia. One day, I'm a 30-day shredding maniac, and the next day I'm Jabba the Hut. 
I gained 4 POUNDS this week (weighed in today). That's right - FOUR. I'm not making light of it - I'm just stating it as fact.
I could tell you I think it's period bloat, or I could tell you I think my scale is broken. Or I could just tell you I gained 4 pounds and call it a day.
I'm going with the last option.

I'm not really looking for any kind of pep talk over this. I'm not sure there is much to say other than I need to get my head screwed back on straight and get back to what I set out to do. I just wanted to man-up and post the news because when I began this challenge, I said I would.  I'm not going back on my word.

And as bullshitty as it sounds, I'm not giving up either. That's the funny thing about all of this. I haven't gone all completely "F-it" yet with trying to lose weight (despite the scale's unfortunate reading today), and maybe that's because I know that if I do, there will be no coming back. So when I said the time is now - it IS now. Meaning I won't let myself forget that even if I gain 4 pounds in a stinking week, that doesn't mean the fat lady has sung her final song. She hasn't. And she won't until she is thinner.
Much, much thinner.

So ladies, you'll get no excuses or "woe is me's" this week. Just a big ole plate of "this was my week and I could have done a WHOLE lot better." Don't hate me for it - just know I am glad you have heard me out.
Thanks for letting me get it off my chest.....

Monday, October 3, 2011

Christmas Dress Challenge Update - Week 2

Hello....I know it's been a while!
It's been a hectic week that has left little time for blogging. Sorry if I have been MIA in commenting. I will get better! This week just did not lend itself for much computer time if it wasn't related to school work. On top of regular classes, I have begun my last 30 hours of classroom observation. It's thrown a little bit of a monkey wrench into my morning routine but at least I find that I eat less than when I am super busy and away from the house.
Other than Fri and yesterday, eating was relatively good - and I even managed to get my 5 days of exercise in - although it was only 4 days of the Shred and one day of cleaning the house - but I cleaned for several hours (can you guess that my in-laws were coming over?) and I was literally sweating like a pig so I am counting that as exercise!
It may have been hard work but you know what? My house damn near sparkles!!! for the Christmas Dress challenge, it would appear I am not setting the world on fire per se, but I am at least happy to report a one pound loss this week!
Thank God for small favors, I say!
It's amazing that on a week where I feel like I am not doing that great, I show a loss. Can someone explain that to me? This weight loss thing sometimes confuses the hell out of me. The only thing I can think of is that by being in school, my calorie intake was significantly less for a couple of days. 
I weighed in this AM as opposed to doing it on Friday and even after a dinner last evening that included filet mignon and some birthday cake, I was still showing a loss.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not complaining. I'll take it anyway I can get it!
Water consumption this week was not that great and that is because while I am in the classroom, I cannot run to the bathroom every 15 minutes. I basically have a break in the AM before the kids get there, a short break at lunch and then nothing until the end of the school day. I just don't feel comfortable running out to the bathroom so much so my hydration suffered and I could really feel it in my body. I need to get back on that today, but I am in class again tomorrow so that will throw me off once again.
Also, just to update you on the WW tracking points progress - I have opted not to do that anymore. I like the My Fitness Pal and Calorie Count websites to help me track my foods. It seems to be helping me more than calculating points so I'm sticking with those for now...
That's really about it! I am so busy again this week but my husband and I are headed to the Delaware beaches this weekend to celebrate out 1st wedding anniversary (Oct 9). I am so excited!
Hope everyone else is having a great start to their week. I am trying to get to everyone's blogs but if you don't see my comment today, I will get to you on Wed (tomorrow I have observation all day and then class until 9:45 PM).
I think I may pass out when I get home tomorrow, so that's why I'm not making any promises for posts or comments tomorrow.
Until next time....