Sunday, January 22, 2012

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder - and Hopefully the Ass Grow Smaller.

Hello friends!
Just checking in to let you know I have not been institutionalized, nor have I fallen face first and got stuck in a jumbo bag of Oreos.

It's not the food and shame that's got me staying away from the blog this time.
Truth be told, I have begin student teaching and well... it's pretty much all consuming. (I even feel guilty taking the time to write this little update).

Anyway - I will be checking in when I can - but it may be rather infrequent until May. Then I promise I will be back in full swing - but I didn't want anyone thinking I had fallen into a food coma or anything drastic like that.
I'm here, technically.....but just not "present."

Hope all is well with the rest of my WL Bloggers.  Keep marching on....I'll catch up with you in May!

Monday, January 9, 2012

I've Been Tagged

Gah!!! It appears I've been tagged!!!
Miss April over at 30 before 30 was sweet enough to include me in her list so here is my follow up. I'm always surprised by these "gotcha" blog thingys since I still consider myself a novice when it comes to blogging.
HOWEVER - I think this type of thing is fun in lieu of dong a regular post about my fatty woes (I have plenty of time to write about THAT), so I am going to answer the questions posed to me and then hit up a few other ladies 'round the blogging circuit too....
Here are the rules:
1. post these rules.
2. you must post 11 random things yourself.
3. answer the ques­tions the tag­ger set for you in their post.
4. cre­ate 11 new ques­tions for the peo­ple you tag to answer.
5. go to their blog and tell them that you've tagged them.
6. no stuff in the tag­ging sec­tion about ‘you are tagged if you are read­ing this.’ blah blah blah, you legit­i­mately have to tag 11 peeps!

11 Random Things About Me:
1.  I met my husband on
2. Despite my weight, my blood pressure is damn near perfect!
3. Both my big toes are double jointed.
4. I'm deathly afraid of heights and even watching someone on TV rock climbing or doing something remotely dangerous makes me sick to my stomach (and yet I love rollercoasters)....
5. I still have my wisdom teeth and have never had braces (and my teeth are straight).
6. I have an inexplicable bizarre secret old man crush on the following old timers: Gene Hackman, Al Pacino and Jimmy Johnson (ex-coach of Dallas Cowboys). (And no, I do not have Daddy issues - LOL)
7. My hair has been about every color under the sun at one time or another.
8. I love speaking with a fake accent - any Halloween costume that causes me to speak differently than in my own voice is the goal each year.
9. I always thought my biological clock was broken or non-existent....until this year.
10. I wish I had the ability to throw things out without analyzing everything about it and placing sentimental value to it first. I don't mean regular garbage - but stuff that I no longer use or need that just causes clutter. It makes getting organized that much harder.
11. I have the ability to tune the world out when I am reading a good book for pleasure, but I need absolute silence when doing school work.

11 Random Questions:
1. What are your all time favorite songs? 1-3 choices and why?
This is a hard one! I have so many favorites.
I would have to say these are the top 3:
Girls on Film by Duran Duran because it takes me back to my youth and makes me happy when I hear it.
First Time Ever I Saw Your Face - Jeffrey Gaines version (my wedding song)
Tie between Christmas Wrapping by the Waitresses and The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire) by Nat King Cole - when I hear these songs, my holiday spirit soars! I absolutely love Christmas time!

2. Who is your favorite author and/or book?
I love a good chick lit book when I get the rare chance to read for pleasure - such as Bitter is the New Black written by Jennifer Lancaster or Stupid and Contagious written by Caprice Crane.

3. What is a word that you dislike and wish would be abolished from the human language?

I hate the words "bowel movement" and "menstruation".....they just sound so clinical to me.

4. What is your dream job/career/profession?
I DIY'd most of my wedding and became addicted to party planning! Give me someone else's money to spend and I would LOVE to plan special events like weddings, showers, birthdays, you name it.

5. Do you have a particular tradition on your birthday
Not really - but I kind of wish I did. I used to treat myself to either a massage, or mani/pedi but haven't for the past couple of years. Usually it's just a dinner out and a day to do whatever I want without guilt.
6. What is your dream vacation spot?
Give me a beach with soft sand and decent surf or turquoise waters and I am one happy chick. But maybe if money were no limit - I'd go to Bora Bora - because let's face it - it just sounds cool.

7. What is your biggest nerd trait or habit, if any?
Hmmm...I don't know - maybe it's that I read my e-mails from most boring to most exciting - not that my e-mails are all that exciting - but I like the anticipation of opening an e-mail from a friend AFTER I've opened the e-mail about Williams Sonomas latest sale...

8. Do you believe in ghosts and/or spirits?  Any encounters/hauntings?
Yes  - growing up in a house that was well over 100 years old, some strange happenings would occur from time to time. Things moved, noises were heard, strange smells (like cigars) filled the air from time to time (no one smokes in my parents house), and doors closed inexplicably.....but I always felt the spirits were friendly so I never was very afraid. My gram swears she saw a little girl in a white nightgown enter our bathroom once during the night, and my brother in law took a photo that shows a weird reflection that could be a girl in a mirror.....I guess you could say I am a believer.

9. From the time you get out of bed until you get out the door for the day to work or wherever... how long does it take you?  Shower, dress, make-up, coffee, etc..?
It depends - I used to have a routine when I was working (and will soon resume that routine when I begin student teaching) but all told - no less than an hour and a half to be fully ready and out the door. I am very forgetful so I often have to leave and then come back in the house for something I missed. I REALLY need to work on my organizational skills.

10. Did you have a childhood toy, teddy bear, etc. that was your fave and what was its name?
I had a stuffed giraffe I absolutely loved, named Cuddles.

11. Did you make 2012 Resolutions and what are the top two?
I'm not calling them resolutions this year - I'm referring to them as solutions! I need to get better organized (see #9) and also to finally get my health and weight under control - but most importantly to maintain my sanity and stress levels while completing school by focusing on the truly IMPORTANT tasks and trying to let go of my perfectionist attitude about my work.

Ok -here are my questions for those people I am tagging:
1. What would the opening line of your autobiography say?
2. What is your favorite alcoholic beverage - or non-alcoholic if you don't imbibe?
3. What is one thing that you would never want to change about yourself?
4. What is the one characteristic about other people that you simply cannot tolerate?
5. Name a time when you felt extremely proud of yourself.
6. If you could relive (and make -over) a year of your life,  what year would that be and why?
7. Is there a particular unusual ritual or routine you do in the exact same way absolutely everyday (something other than brushing your teeth, for example)? If so, what is it?
8. What is a talent you do not have but wish you did?
9. Build your ideal person. Fill in the blanks: I'd want the hair of ________________, the face of ___________________, the body of _____________________,  the brains of ____________________, the talents of ___________________, the sense of humor of _______________________, and the bank account of ____________________________.
10. What do you feel the the worst thing is about trying to lose weight?
11. What song best defines where you are in life right now?

I am tagging the following people ( I don't have 11 because so many people have already been tagged):
No pressure to answer! This is a time consuming post - but it is fun!

Rachelle@ My Hips Don't Lie
Taryn @ Fat Girl in a Skinny World
Karen @ Wasting Time
Becca @ Size 24 No More
Sarah @ Watch Sarah Shrink
Shannon @ 365 Days of Weight Loss
Shayla @ Follow Me Down
Michelle @ Ruminations and Uncovering
Pockets @ Pockets New Image
Thursday's Child

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Rebooting My System

For anyone who has ever been on a major exercise kick, only to kick it to the curb for a few months and then try to get back to it, you know how much it can bite the big one. This is where I am right now, and as I take breaks from typing this post to wipe the sweat off of my neck from the workout I literally just finished, I can honestly say I have very strong feelings about this part of getting back in the weight-loss saddle. These feelings may or may not involve lots of cursing under my breath.

30 minutes, 3 miles and 333.7 calories burned on the elliptical today. *small cheer for me*
I'd say that covers the oatmeal and raisins I had for breakfast this morning, if not the real half and half I still put in my coffee (and make no apologies for it). :-)

Hate may be too strong of a word for how I feel about getting back into the exercise routine after abandoning it what seems like eons ago. It's kind of a Catch-22 in some ways, because while I am not a fan of feeling like a whale in motion, I do, in some respects, feel very empowered with each rotation of the elliptical pedals. At the very least I know that I am doing something good for myself, even if I don't enjoy it the way I feel like I should. I know this feeling will change over time, as long as I stick with it. Right now I realize what I am experiencing are the growing pains, so to speak, of  adapting to this new life style (once again). It's like my body is being rebooted after a major system breakdown. I'm no stranger to this feeling - I just need to suck it up, stay consistent and in time, exercise will again become a friend to which I look forward to dedicating my time. Was it really summertime when I was doing Jillian? What the hell happened from then to now?

Nevermind all that  - bygones, I say. 2012 means looking forward, not backwards. I cannot change the past, but I can change the future. We have all heard this a million times and yet still,  the words carry such important meaning. As I sat this morning with my coffee, playing Words With Friends (if you're not yet addicted, good for you!), I thought about hopping in the shower and heading to the mall to spend a few gift cards I received for Christmas. I need a whole new wardrobe for students teaching (that's a whole other post) and nothing burns a hole in my pocket faster than "free money" to spend. But in a moment of divine intervention, or maybe it was just the roll of belly fat I spied as I looked down to plug in my computer, I decided today is the day I am going to start moving again. I'm doing Ok with food, and feel better about choices related to eating and calorie reduction - but it's the damn calorie burn that is the big challenge.

I can't tell you how many times a day, the words of  Michelle at Ruminations rings in my head - "It's not rocket science. Move more, eat less." She is so right. It's a simple formula, but one that needs to be driven by true desire, not mere want. Do I desire this - more than anything? Yes, I believe that I do. I am past the point of simply wanting to be thin, for the sake of being thin. That was my mojo in my twenties, and yes, even my thirties. But for god's sake, I just turned 40. There is no more screwing around. As my husband joked, we are "real grown ups now." Time to start acting like one - at least where my health is concerned.  At least I'll always be a kid at heart.

I know I said no New Year's Resolutions, but these cats have the right idea...

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

In Search of a New Year, not a Blue Year

Does anyone else feel that January slump after the holidays are over? I know plenty of people who embrace this time and welcome with open arms the dismantling of their Christmas decorations and purging of all things holiday related - especially those left over cookies and other fat-laden temptations. These acts of removing all holiday fanfare, whether it's festive food or festive decorations, signify a clean start to the new year. To many, this time is rejuvenating and motivation to begin the year with a bang is at an all time high.

This is not the case for me at all. Usually, I get a little blue after the holidays - especially when it's time to take down the tree and the plethora of decorations that turned my home into a warm and welcoming winter wonderland for the past month. I look ahead and all I see are a series of cold months in front of me, and I struggle to find motivation to do much more than curl up in my robe and settle down for a long winter's nap.

That's certainly not an option, of course. In a mere two weeks I'll be rising and (hopefully) shining like the rest of the working world (minus the paycheck), going to my student teaching position each day and then coming home at night to work on lesson plans. There will be little if any time to sit on my ass at all, which, seeing as that leads to being 235 lbs, is probably a good thing. Many of my fellow students have actually lost weight during the course of their student teaching semester. I know I will be on my feet much more than I am now, and will be moving around more, and certainly eating less. This is good because I purposely bought pants that were a bit snug in the waistline as further motivation to lose weight while going through the semester. Gaining is not an option. I am literally at the end of my fat rope.

The good news is, my home gym is getting back in order. Not sure if you remember the projects I talked about over the summer but the red room was a complete disaster area and is finally - FINALLY - ready to be used the way Richard Simmons intended. Actually,  that's not entirely true - as there is little space for Sweatin' the the Oldies, but the treadmill, elliptical and recumbent bike are all set up and accessible and there is a TV on the wall and I have a small space to use hand weights or do some stretching and maybe even yoga. In other words, I have all the tools, now I just need to utilize them.

I have been considering what my "solutions" should be to weight loss this year (versus resolutions) and I think it's high time to confront the Sugar Beast and try to part ways with It as swiftly as possible. I have realized over the past year or so that my sugar addiction has gotten so bad that I have found myself eating things that were sweet even if I didn't particularly enjoy them. I mean if you are going to blow your calorie load on some sugary crap, you should at the very least like what you are eating, right? Well, I found myself eating a rather dry and unsatisfying danish about 2 weeks ago and realized that although it tasted seriously sub-par to anything homemade, I was eating to tame a sugar craving - nothing more. I got zero enjoyment out of it, and frankly after it was all gone, I felt disgusting. After a while, I started getting feelings of resentment at my mother-in-law for even sending them to us (part of a Christmas gift from Wolferton's). She knows I struggle with my weight and her son is in the same unfortunate boat. I know this is her way to show love, but ironically this gift of love, is a real killer. Literally.

Little did I know that my birthday gift would include more diet saboteurs from her, such as a gigantic container of peppermint bark from Costco (aka Christmas Crack) and an equally large bag of chocolate truffles. Neither of those offenders have been touched but the packages of danishes didn't fare so well - never mind how my waistline fared as a result of eating them.Not to put the onus on my mother-in-law, mind you. She is great lady who is extremely generous. And she's not the only one sabotaging Josh and I with baked goods. I did that on my own, as well. Banana cake, cookies, homemade fudge....the list goes on. The holidays were a proverbial sugar plum fairy's wet dream.

But I knew my sugar cravings had reached their limit and I've had enough when this morning I happily tossed left over chocolate cupcakes and fudge into the trash and decided my 3 over ripe bananas were NOT going to be baked into yet another cake. Sometimes you just have to put your fat foot down.

So, I'm feeling good about rethinking my food choices and I am enjoying my new ritual of having green tea versus dessert at night. There's something cozy about it - and let's face it - I don't go to bed bloated or full. Stay tuned for more small victories as they occur. I've set a short term goal of losing 5 lbs by the time student teaching begins. One solution I have decided upon is the 5 lbs increment approach. It's so much less daunting than looking at the 100 plus pounds I need to drop.

Here's to baby steps.

Guess which woman is me....

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Solutions, not Resolutions

Hey there...
I know it's been a long time....but I decided to come back and say hello.
I'd be lying if I didn't admit that writing this blog feels oddly strange to me. It's like I've been gone way too long, cobwebs have accumulated in the corners of my blog, and I'm not familiar with the language of what it is I'm supposed to be talking about on here anymore. I'm not sure where to begin, other than with a warm greeting, and the admission that I've missed the community here, and hope that everyone is doing well.

Over the past month and a half, I took time off from the weight loss blog because frankly, I just wasn't doing anything about my weight (other than adding to it) and with stress of the end of the semester and the hectic craze of the holidays I knew my attitude about it wasn't getting better - only worse. Tired of making excuses and writing about failures, I dropped out of sight and decided to finish out the year not thinking about the dreaded subject of weight loss. The problem is, I have found that even when you give yourself a free pass, you never truly stop thinking about what it is that you are doing, how it relates to your weight, and how your body, mind, and soul are going to pay for it later.

So, here we are the first day of the New Year, 2012. If the Mayans are right, this is my last shot to get my shit together.

Yes, I'm back on the writing kick but I surely know it isn't enough to simply write about losing weight. If I have any shot in hell of making 2012 a year of positive change, I need to do so much more. This year isn't about making resolutions. Those never seem to work for me. It is, however,  about finding the right solutions to what I consider to be the most problematic issue I have ever had. I need to figure out exactly how I am going to address my issues and how I am going to manage them. This will take time. No, it's not rocket science, but I have been here so many times, I need to really be sure I am willing to make the hardest sacrifices this time around. No pussy-footing around. At age 40, I don't know how many more times I have it in me to ride this God forsaken merry-go-round.

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and is welcoming the New Year with open arms, as I am trying to do. I had a fabulous Christmas and birthday and am ready for the year ahead. The next few weeks will be crucial in my plan for success, as I begin student teaching Jan 17 and that will bring a whole other set of challenges that I need to meet head-on.

Pardon the profanity, but a little bit of how I am feeling is what the cartoon below is all about. Here's to a much more triumphant 2013 picture!!!

(Note: Couldn't get the cartoon to insert correctly - ugh!!!)