Solutions, not Resolutions

Hey there...
I know it's been a long time....but I decided to come back and say hello.
I'd be lying if I didn't admit that writing this blog feels oddly strange to me. It's like I've been gone way too long, cobwebs have accumulated in the corners of my blog, and I'm not familiar with the language of what it is I'm supposed to be talking about on here anymore. I'm not sure where to begin, other than with a warm greeting, and the admission that I've missed the community here, and hope that everyone is doing well.

Over the past month and a half, I took time off from the weight loss blog because frankly, I just wasn't doing anything about my weight (other than adding to it) and with stress of the end of the semester and the hectic craze of the holidays I knew my attitude about it wasn't getting better - only worse. Tired of making excuses and writing about failures, I dropped out of sight and decided to finish out the year not thinking about the dreaded subject of weight loss. The problem is, I have found that even when you give yourself a free pass, you never truly stop thinking about what it is that you are doing, how it relates to your weight, and how your body, mind, and soul are going to pay for it later.

So, here we are the first day of the New Year, 2012. If the Mayans are right, this is my last shot to get my shit together.

Yes, I'm back on the writing kick but I surely know it isn't enough to simply write about losing weight. If I have any shot in hell of making 2012 a year of positive change, I need to do so much more. This year isn't about making resolutions. Those never seem to work for me. It is, however,  about finding the right solutions to what I consider to be the most problematic issue I have ever had. I need to figure out exactly how I am going to address my issues and how I am going to manage them. This will take time. No, it's not rocket science, but I have been here so many times, I need to really be sure I am willing to make the hardest sacrifices this time around. No pussy-footing around. At age 40, I don't know how many more times I have it in me to ride this God forsaken merry-go-round.

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and is welcoming the New Year with open arms, as I am trying to do. I had a fabulous Christmas and birthday and am ready for the year ahead. The next few weeks will be crucial in my plan for success, as I begin student teaching Jan 17 and that will bring a whole other set of challenges that I need to meet head-on.

Pardon the profanity, but a little bit of how I am feeling is what the cartoon below is all about. Here's to a much more triumphant 2013 picture!!!

(Note: Couldn't get the cartoon to insert correctly - ugh!!!)

Waging Wars Against Sickness & Candy....The Low-down

I realized I have been pretty lazy in my blogging lately...there's lots going on here but that's no excuse not to check in mid-week and update everyone as to what is going on in my world. Because I know you're just dying to know.....right? No? Well, I'm gonna share anyway....


The big headline of the day is that I am sick. Sick, sick, sick. I've got a wonderful cold that is slowly moving it's way from nose to throat to chest...I've already got laryngitis, and I anticipate this will soon result in that horrible death rattle cough - you know the one I am talking about. It's what inspired those Mucinex commercials. I'm sure of it.

Yeah, I'd say this jackass has definitely worn out his welcome.

Sunday was the last day I felt somewhat human. I barely have a voice and my nose is running constantly. In short, Good Times. Ha - Not.


In other news, the Halloween candy needs to be hidden. NOW. I am not sure how much more willpower I have to resist it. As a matter of fact, (honesty alert! honesty alert!) yesterday, I didn't. Me and the Reeses Peanut Butter cups had a face-off yesterday and I lost. Halloween candy - 1, Rochelle - 0.
I feel stronger today and my sugar craving has been subsided, but I am still upset that I couldn't hold out this year. I thought I might be able to do - but....nope.
It wasn't the type of candy carnage that has occurred in years past - but I did eat 2 of them, and admittedly wanted more. It's apparent that I still don't have the Sugar Demon beat and I am not sure that I ever will.

There is a happy twist to this story, even with my candy digression. This week I have been eating noticeably less. I guess it's the sickness, but honestly, I still have an appetite - so it's not that I am just avoiding eating because I have no desire to. Maybe being busy counts for something....we are having a Halloween party here on Saturday and we have been prepping the house this week and getting ready - ie: decorating ( I have a whole cleaning workout that is going to happen today too - hours of calorie burn ahead indeed!). Plus I have had a few projects due for school that have consumed my time. Either way, my mind has been less on eating, and more on getting other crap done. This is a good thing because there have been so many times when the opposite was true.

When i hopped on the scale this AM, it read 227.75 - down a pound from my last weigh in. Again, I have no real exercise to thank - just less calories (minus the Reeses). It's funny though - I am extremely  motivated to keep the downward trend going now that I have seen a bit of movement on the scale. It makes me all the more aware of the choices I am making throughout the day. I think it's safe to say, I won't be having any show-downs with the Halloween candy today.

And just because it's almost Halloween, I'll leave you with a little non-caloric eye-candy. I don't know if I have ever expressed just how much we get into it around here.....but I LOVE it. Last night we walked in our town parade (those are the witch and Hamburglar pics)....the other pics are from last year's trick or treat night.

Enjoy!

Channeling Anna Wintour for trick or treat at my friend's house last year.

My husband, The Hamburglar!

I do ugly just a little too well....

Who doesn't enjoy a little Mailman Stew?

Trick or Treat night at our place last year. I may have made a kid or two cry....

Spookiest house on the block...

My hubs and I make a good team - I design and he executes with power tools! May I present, the Martha Witch!

Christmas Dress Challenge - Week 5 Update

If meeting my Christmas Dress Challenge goals was the determinant of whether I received beautifully wrapped presents under my tree or a filthy bucket of coal for Christmas, I am pretty sure I'd be receiving the latter. I swear every time I say I am going to kick butt, something else always ends up kicking my butt.

Not that this week was any kind of epic fail, mind you.  I did manage to lose .25 pounds - by the mere grace of God, and nothing else, I can assure you. This week was busy for me and busy always means pushing all the things I know I should be doing to the "weigh" side, so to speak. Hence the minimal loss, lackluster attitude and general feeling of disconnect I have this week with my weight loss goals.
I know, I know - a loss is a loss, no matter how small. I say the same thing to others when they are unhappy about the barely-there movement on the scale. I know down is better than up. Loss is better than gain. Less chub is better than more chub. You get the idea.

And really, I should be jumping for major joy because I feel like I didn't do anything to really "earn" that quarter of a pound. All I can think of is that it must be some sort of bonus the Fat Fairies are throwing me for not strapping the humongous bag of Halloween candy to my face like a feedbag the second my husband brought it through the front door.

Allow me to recap the week and all it's unimpressive glory: First off,  I barely exercised - as in, I only took two walks this week (about 50 mins each), not to mention my water consumption was subpar at best (my body is feeling this especially), and sweat was definitely not part of my vocabulary this week. Maybe my portions were a smidgen smaller? Who knows. Whatever the case may be for dropping, I'll take it. One stinking quarter pound at a time if I have to.

I am very much hoping for a better week this week but I have this nagging cold that took hold of me yesterday that is making me feel like I'm paying for something horrendous I did in a past life. Working out isn't on my mind - but sleep sure is. I'd be sleeping right now if I could. Unfortunately I have class tonight so there goes that idea. Pffft. Like air out of a balloon, I tell ya.

I hope everyone else is having a better week. I may not get to my commenting on everyone's blogs until tomorrow, but I will get there eventually.
We have about 9 weeks until Christmas, right? I'm thinking forget about Miracle on 34th Street - I need a miracle right here.

Dear Santa, won't you please bring me a smaller ass for  Christmas?

Cup Half Full vs. Cup Half Empty - Challenge Update Week 4

If I'm the type of person that looks at the cup as being half full, then this has been an amazing week for weight loss for me. I shed 3.25 pounds, which is the most I have dropped in a week in what feels like forfreakingever. However...if I'm a cup half empty type of gal (and I think I might be today), this really isn't all that impressive considering the 3.25 pound loss leaves me at 229 pounds which IS THE SAME WEIGHT I WAS AT ON JULY 29  (and various days in September as well)!!!!! So basically I have been up and down the scale flirting with this number for MONTHS.

Hey, I'm happy the anniversary weekend weight is bidding me adieu - make no mistake. I just know that the loss this week is simply one more time I am losing weight I already lost over the past few months. It's so very, very annoying to say the least.

The one thing that IS good about it, is that the loss has mentally given me another boost of hope that this whole thing is not for naught. It proves that I do know what to do - and what not to do. I'm not saying I met my goals in every way - but I made an effort and it paid off. Having the realization this week as to what works has provided me with a bit of a conundrum however, and I don't know how I can continue doing it because it basically involves my husband being away on a business trip, until I reach my goal weight....it appears I eat far less when he isn't home than I do when he is here.
Does anyone else have this issue?

For some reason I was perfectly content having an apple and a piece of cheese for dinner when he was away, but when he is home, suddenly I need to eat half a chicken and a pile of roasted potatoes????? What gives?

I actually hate when my husband travels so this "diet" simply won't do. Looks like Plan B is in order - which is actually stick with meeting my goals. How genius! Thankfully this is, once again, a new week and a new chance to get it right.

This week I definitely need to be extremely mindful of portions (the biggest issue I have when eating with my husband) and get my water in. That is something I have been really bad about and I know it makes all the difference in the world. Exercise wise, I am not being too much of a slug, but again, there is room for vast improvement. I need to stop letting my damn school work consume my days. Somehow I must master the work smarter, not harder method of doing my school work.

I've also decided that going forward, I am not going to blog or comment on others blogs unless I have worked out. That alone may be the ticket since I do enjoy getting on here and sharing what is going on in my world and hearing about what is going on in yours.
So here's to another week....let's see if I can kiss this 229 goodbye for good.

Yet Another Reason To Hate Being Fat: Shoe Shopping

I had the most miserable shopping experience the other day...

It occurred to me that it's now the middle of October, and the temperatures will be dropping into the 50's and 40's sooner than I care to admit.  Transitional seasons confuse my fashion sense at times. For example, I struggle with letting go of my white pants on a 89 degree September day just because the calendar says I should. And I'm never quite sure just how long I can milk the wearing of my knee high leather boots in the springtime. Something tells me by Memorial Day, I've already over-extended myself on wearing those by a good couple of months or so.  Right now I'm a little worried that my flip flops aren't exactly the best form of footwear to pair with my winter coat and scarf this year...and there in lies the problem, my friends.

I need to find some closed-toe shoes - stat.

I'll be the first to admit I'd spend all year in flip flops if I thought it was socially acceptable. I have come to find out it's not - so now I have to go and find shoes that not only fit my hideous fat Fred Flintstone feet, but have some semblance of style that is not associated with a 87 year old woman who suffers from severe hammer toes, watermelon sized bunions and gnarly crusty corns. In other words, I am trying to avoid buying shoes that look like this:

Let's just say I'm not ready to go all "orthopedic granny" on my footwear just yet.....but my feet probably wish I would. While I may not suffer from bunions, hammer toes or corns, I do have a horribly high instep that leaves many, many, MANY shoe styles on the "go ahead and look but don't even think about wearing" list. Basically it boils down to this: if I like a shoe style-wise, it is probably going to be a huge old Hell No for my feet. Because of my extremely high instep (and let's face it, the extra fat on my feet) I get this odd mini-muffin top thing happening on my foot when I try on shoes that are cut a certain way. It's like the shoe digs into my foot the way a belt would dig into your middle if you made it too tight, causing your belly to pour out over the top of your pants. Use your best mental imaging skills to picture my foot kind of bulging over the top of the shoe if it is cut anywhere in the center of my instep, or close to my toe cleavage. Never mind the fact that I also have WIDE feet (but of course) that just adds to this already 'shitty on it's own' issue.  It's getting harder and harder to find any shoes that I can jam these sausage hooves into that won't result in me being crippled after 20 minutes. Keep in mind the mental trauma I have from all of this - I used to work in the fashion industry and spent years practicing the "fashion before comfort" rule. Once upon a time I used to LIVE in 4" platform heels. These days, uh...not so much.

Anyway, I digress.  After my realization that flips flops are really not the new black of cold weather footwear, I ventured out to DSW to do a little shopping. It's boot season ladies, and I don't know about you, but if you have wide calves, as I do, boot shopping is the ultimate bitch.
Not ONLY do I feel like are my calves wider than the Hoover Dam BUT I have short legs to boot (no pun intended) so the whole proportion thing is off, too...wide calf boots usually hit me at a weird place making the widest part of the opening up by my knee. So that wide part meant to accommodate a wide calf? Maybe that works on someone taller than 5'....but that person isn't me. I have found a few pairs to sort of work - usually they involve some type of stretch material, and a whole lot of sweating and cursing while putting them on.

But finding real honest to goodness normal shoes is still a huge issue....I can't help but wonder if losing weight will help my feet get back into fashion too? It's just one more thing to hate about being fat....(and the list goes on).

So with all of this said, it's probably a good thing that last week's gain is starting to disappear. As of yesterday I was back at 229, so that is a loss of 3.25 pounds since Monday.....
Hey, if it gets me back in some cute shoes, I'm damn near willing to do anything!

Can I Still Lose If I Choose To Booze?

I have a dilemma.....well, maybe dilemma is too strong a word. It's really more of a situation that I've been mulling around in my head and am wondering if anyone else does this, or at the very least has an opinion about it.

I like my cocktails - I always have. I'm not a booze hound with a problem, but I am one of those people that very much enjoys the act of relaxing with a drink. I don't chug my bevvie down like I'm a cheerleader at a frat party....I savor it. Strangely enough, I truly like the taste of alcohol.

Because I am doing this diet "my way",  I have allotted myself one night a week where cocktails are allowed. I don't mean I'm sucking down copious amounts of booze - but more like a glass or two of wine, or 2 lite beers or maybe a couple of martinis. This process allows me to feel like I am living normal life. I purposely chose my weigh in day as the day I get to drink because I figure I have the week to repair whatever caloric damage I have done by imbibing.

I know that most people really throw themselves into dieting with every fiber of their being and eliminate alcohol because, well, nobody really wants to drink their calories. I understand this concept fully and for the most part agree with it wholeheartedly. I spent many years taking in my daily recommended calorie allotment in the form of drink, and then consumed double that in food form. I understand just how abusive I was to my body back then. There is no question as to how I packed on the pounds...

I guess my question or dilemma is this: Can I have my alcohol and drink it too? I found several articles that say yes, an occasional drink is OK, and some that advise that I kick my libations to the curb. It's not that I can't do it....but more like I don't want to.

I do know that drinking comes with a price. Calorically speaking, it's a trade off. I can't expect the same results as I might if I don't get my drink on. But are a few drinks a week a diet killer? Am I setting myself up for failure by not being stricter about this?

What are your thoughts?

I Like Being a Loser

It's Friday again - and you know what that means - It's Weigh Day, y'all!!!!!
I'm happy to announce I lost another 1.75 lbs this week - and while that is hardly setting the world on fire, I will take it and be disgustingly happy with it! For so long I have watched the scale either creep up and up and up, or hover around around the same hideous number. Now it is (finally) starting to reverse itself and I couldn't be more pleased. Can I get an A-men?

While I am keeping the morning walking routine consistent (2.8 miles today), I know I could be doing more in the realm of exercise. But at least I am still seeing some positive signs on the scale, so you'll get no (major) complaints here. I'm not going to dispute the fact that my food intake and food choices have more to do with the losses this month than any sort of physical exertion - but yesterday I talked about really wanting to master that issue anyway - and so far, it is working. But I do want to eventually release the exercise whore that I think lives inside of me. She knows that it will take firing up the old metabolism to get all of this lard ass melted off. She wants to show me how it's done - but I haven't let her emerge just yet...

When I started this new blog, I told myself I had 100 weeks to lose 100 pounds - and I did this because that is not only a reasonable amount of time to take off the weight, but completely DOABLE.  Granted, 100 weeks is about as slow as I'd ever care to go, but if I can go faster, then great! Reaching that goal of "100 pounds lost" speedier than 100 weeks is definitely going to require me upping my game considerably. My inner exercise whore has been whispering to me that when I am tired of the slow pace of losing through food manipulation, she will be ready to really git 'er done. I feel her lacing up her sneakers as I write this.

My husband, on the other hand, actually likes this slow and steady approach I have adopted and tells me that I need to stay focused, keep doing what I am doing, and not get so hung up on trying to drop more than a pound a week. Maybe he's right. I don't know. One thing is for sure, I don't feel food or taste deprived and THAT has not been the case during my diets of yore. Come on - just look at some of the dinners I have had this week:

Flank Steak Stir-fry with Pinepapple, Red pepper & Onion

Bunless Turkey Burger with Grilled Corn on the Cob and Broccoli

Notice there are no pictures of the offensive pizza! Just healthy, colorful and satisfying meals. In NORMAL-SIZED portions. Frankly I don't even feel like I am dieting - but maybe that's the missing link I have been looking for! So many "diets" make you feel like you are missing out on good food. They either promote pre-packaged, portion controlled convenience (hello, Jenny Craig!) without ever really teaching you how to make these portion controlled meals on your own. I am a self-proclaimed foodie that LOVES to cook. I love, love, love stretching my culinary muscle, and this "diet" or "lifestyle" or whatever term you want to give it, is still allowing me to do it - and I'm HAPPY!

I guess in the end, you can't argue with success. And for me, success is all about the scale going down at this point, no matter how slow. I'll know when I need to switch things up. More and more I am becoming in tune with my body, my hunger, my cravings and my emotions surrounding when I eat, why I eat, and even how I eat (inhaling my food isn't quite uncommon, let's say). As Rachellabelle @ My Hips Don't Lie said in one of her comments - this is about a life long journey - and she's right. This is not something I am going to drop the second I reach goal. It's for life....

So, with that said, I'll be here, plugging along and enjoying the company I have of the people that are doing this with me, and those that might not be in the "losing game", but are here for support. Hope everyone has a great Friday and keep a watch out for some page updates on the blog over the weekend!

Ta ta, my friends!

Turning Wishes into Goals

"Goals that are not written down are just wishes." ~ Anonymous 

I absolutely love this quote - especially as it applies to weight loss because I think it is safe to say that everyone who is on or has been on a weight loss mission, whether it be to lose 10 lbs or 100 lbs, has specific end goals they are/were looking to meet; goals that stretch way beyond simply shedding the pounds.

Personally, I've read countless articles about weight loss, many of which stress the importance of writing down goals before embarking on a weight loss journey. The physical writing down of these goals not only solidifies them as "real" accomplishments to strive for, but written goals also act as a visual compass to guide you to your end results. They keep you focused on the reasons you set out on this journey in the first place, and if you keep them close by (not stuffed in a drawer next to your secret candy bar stash), they can serve as an excellent reminder of why you should stay committed to your weight loss when the going gets tough.

I must admit for all the reading I have done on the subject, you'd think I would have hopped right on that goal-writing bandwagon. But alas, I have never been one to follow through on doing this. Perhaps this is partly the reason for my multiple failed attempts at losing weight. Maybe I didn't take it serious enough or give it enough worth to sit down and devote a chunk of time to thinking about what it is I REALLY want - beyond losing 100 lbs. Sure, I have listed things here an there in my previous blog about why I wanted to lose weight, but when I think about it they were sort of fly by the seat of my pants random thoughts - not serious contemplations about what tackling the most difficult thing in my life (and what's more, succeeding at it) would actually mean for me. Because I do know that when (notice I am saying WHEN, not IF) I do this, that life will undoubtedly change. The magnitude of these changes is what I do not know.

That's not to say I don't have goals - or are they just wishes? Whatever they are, I have plenty of them and I think about them - ALL OF THE TIME. But maybe they really are just wishes because I haven't written them down and I don't look at them everyday to remind me of why I truly want to lose weight. For example, when I stare into my closet full of clothes I love but cannot wear, I often think to myself, "I wish I could still wear these." I don't think, "My goal is to wear these again." I think that is a problem - I need to turn those wishes into goals. After all, there is no bottled up genie residing in my house that is going to one day pop out and grant me those wishes.....so what the hell am I wishing for anyway? I think it's time to give my goals the pen and ink they deserve. Although I am going to list them here, I will be writing them in Sharpie marker and hanging in a prominent place to remind myself of their significance.

So, I have given it some serious thought, and although I may come up with other goals as I travel though this process, here are the major players thus far:

My Goals for Wanting to Lose 100 Pounds

• To be healthy for the first time in a long time. I want to live a long, happy life with my wonderful husband. We waited so long to find each other, I want to make sure we have as much time together as possible.
• To avoid health related issues that have plagued both sides of my family tree.  I DO NOT want knee replacement surgery - ever! Nor do I want to have a stroke!
• To not get winded walking up stairs (I never again want to feel the way I did during our zip line experience in St. Lucia on our honeymoon. I thought my legs were going to collapse under me and my lungs were going to explode as I was climbing the mountain. I enjoyed the zip lining but probably not as much as I would have had I not been this heavy.
• To sit without wanting to cover my stomach with my hands.
• To be able to kneel without excruciating knee pain when I do housework or outside yard work.
• To be able to cross my legs (I don't think I have ever been able to do this, at 5'0" and forever overweight).
• To fit in the clothes I REALLY want to wear - and they do not already reside in my closet. I cannot remember the last time I have shopped in a Missy clothing department - but I am pretty sure it was well before high school.
• To wear sexy shoes again - I used to be the queen of heels. Lately, my flip flops, sneakers and "Mandals" (mannish sandals) are about the only things that don't kill my feet, and how sexy is that? I can tell you - Not very.
• To make my boobs smaller - they are freaking out of control - I can sport cleavage in a turtleneck!
• To simply feel comfortable in my own skin.
• To be pain free.
• To stop comparing myself to others.
• To stop coveting other people's weight loss success.
• To wear a bikini before I turn 42.
• To feel like a wanton sex goddess!!!
• To stop envying people that are thinner.
• To not have to think about how my body looks when I sit down.
• To wear calf-high boots that are not for "extra wide calves"
• To be Carmen Miranda for Halloween - this requires a bikini top!!!
• To have only ONE chin!
• To eliminate swelling in my ankles and feet.
• To be able to tuck in a shirt or not have to wear shirts that hang below my stomach, or are A-line.
• To be able to run without feeling like I am dying 1000 deaths, or that I am going to blow out my knee.
• To not be embarrassed when I see people that haven't seen me in a while.
• To stop avoiding social situations where I MIGHT see people that haven't seen me in a while.
• To prevent the arthritis in my knee from being exacerbated.
• To make me feel confident as I interview next year for a teaching position (a new career path for me after completing my graduate degree in elementary ed in May 2012).
• To make exercise feel less laborious and more glorious!
• To have a better relationship with food.
• To stop feeling like a failure at something I have repeatedly tried to succeed at, with no luck.
• To have an "after" picture and be able to see how far I've come.
• To say I did it!!!!
• To feel "normal."
• To inspire others.

So there they are - my weight loss GOALS - not just wishes - but milestones I will reach with each pounds that disappears.

Turn that frown upside down

"It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect it's successful outcome."
-William James

They say attitude is everything - and I think there may be some solid truth to that. Especially when taking on a task as seemingly mountainous as losing 100 pounds. Let's face it - that's no small potatoes. As a matter of fact, it's the equivalent of 10 large bags of potatoes, if you want to get technical. That's a huge amount of chub and blub we're talking about. You have a bad attitude going in to try to shed something as significant as that, and you may as well call it quits before you even begin. It's kind of ironic because let's face it, no one is HAPPY about having to lose 100 pounds - so the question is: How does one get the right attitude about tackling such a big, difficult task???

 

I wrote yesterday about the past and how easy it is to sometimes let the ghosts of days gone by control future actions. The attitude is that since failure was such a prevalent part of the past, it's bound to be a significant part the future, too. That way of thinking is NOT the attitude needed to begin this journey - so I am banishing it from my thoughts completely. POOF - gone!

In all honesty, I feel rather optimistic about climbing this mountain, even if it is the biggest thing I have ever had to do, to this date. In fact, I find this much more difficult than switching careers mid-life, and trust me when I say how crazy-ass hard I thought that would be - especially in the beginning when I ventured back to school after being out of the academic loop for the last 15 years. And yet, I did it (or, am doing it anyway). And what's more is I am excelling at it! I have never had that kind of determination in my life, but I hope to find it again, as I tackle this next life challenge to getting myself healthy.

My attitude truly is everything in terms of how successful I am at losing the weight this time. Staying positive, and hopeful, and determined, even when things are not all sunshine, rainbows and chirping birds, is going to be key in making this work. Not feeling as though the instant I slip up that the world is ending so why give a shit, will be crucial to navigating these often temptation-infested waters. I feel so positive now - I wish I could bottle up this feeling and open it and chug it with wild abandon when those days or weeks do come when the results are not what I want or expect them to be.  I know this will be challenging - especially when the negativity pill seems much easier to swallow at times.

So - I asked the question of how to get and keep the cheerful attitude when ticking off pounds 1 through 100? I think it starts with support.  I just sent my new blog link to a few close friends and family that have seen the ups and downs of my weight loss attempts and have been supportive through each and every battle I have had with the scale. There are some who walk in similar shoes and I think understand this struggle more deeply than others, and then there are some who might not have had to deal with this first hand, but are still very supportive and believe in me nonetheless. I have humbly asked them to share this ride with me, and support me through the good, the bad and the ugly. With their encouragement and those of others perhaps in the blogging community, I can get through this and not feel alone.

My dear and wonderful husband is also a huge source of support. He is by far the strongest pillar of strength I have and I know he has my back on this 1000%.  But without the right attitude coming from this girl (pointing two thumbs right at me), I don't stand a chance. Being positive is a choice. Just like eating the right foods, in the right portions, and getting in exercise, it is something I will choose to embrace each day. And that is how I will make these 100 pounds history for good.

It's a New Blog, It's a New Day, It's a New Life, and I'm Feelin' Good...

Welcome to my first day, and first post of my brand spanking new blog!!! I finally manned up and did it....out with the old and in with the new! For those that have followed me, you know I have been desperately wanting to shed not just physical pounds, but also the old skin of my previous blog -  http://weightwedding.blogspot.com/  - and in turn, begin a new blog - a clean slate if you will. It might seem a little weird but I have my odd ball reasons for doing this, no matter how ridiculous they may seem.

Since this is not my first weight loss rodeo (but is intended to be my last), I am under no delusions that the simple act of dropping an old blog site gives me a leg up on dropping the pounds; but I did feel as if I needed the symbolic change of starting fresh with something that is strictly about THIS particular journey.

My old blog focused on life before marriage and the goals surrounding losing weight so that I could look good in a white dress. I didn't exactly meet the goals I had set and when I went back to read old posts (as I often did), I would always end up opening a huge can of self-berating whoop-ass on myself when I reviewed my various failed attempts at losing weight. I felt like I needed to cut the cord so to speak, and give myself a change of scenery, even if it's only web-based.

I have decided that with this blog, and this new start, things are going to be different. I have been reading so many wonderful and inspirational blogs (see blog list) and the main thing I notice is the positive attitudes and the dedication other people have to getting healthy. For anyone who has tried to lose weight in the past, it can be a long and winding road for sure...undoubtedly,  there will always be bumps and hills and various other forces to be reckoned with, but the important thing to know is that it is navigable. I have to keep reminding myself of that. This is not some insane venture I am taking on that has never been attempted before - this is something that people are doing for themselves EVERY DAY. And I do believe that I, too, will have one of those glorious "after" pictures someday....

I now realize that my past behaviors have lead me to give up when I had a bad day, adhering to that unhealthy all or nothing approach that so many people adopt when trying to shed the pounds. I have decided that that isn't going to be my mojo anymore....I am OK with slow and steady. I just want to see progress being made, not excuses be handed out left and right. I also want to be upfront about my progress and that is why for the first time I have decided to include pictures of myself, no matter how embarrassing. These pictures do not lie, no matter how much I'd like them to.

Deep down, (until today when I took those bare-my-soul pictures) I think I had some warped image of what I looked like (sort of the reverse of anorexia??), and maybe in some ways I was able to shut out the reality of my image to the outside world that way. It's odd, but for me, fat was more of a feeling I had, not necessarily a look. However, in the past 6 months especially, as my weight ballooned, I started to avoid mirrors, cameras and anything that would show me the results of my bad behavior. But one thing you can't escape is the feeling that you have when your clothes don't fit. Tight pants are tight pants and no amount of camera avoidance can change the way they feel or the red ring they leave around your waistline. And for this reason especially, I need to make this change.

So, I have thought long and hard about what I want this blog to represent. It's not just a story through words, but it also will be a story through pictures, stats, and gained information. Weigh-ins will be on Fridays and progress pictures will be posted monthly. I hope you will join me as I make the way to a new me.
100 pounds.
1000% determination.