Diet Schizophrenia

The post I am about to write isn't a good one....but it isn't a "bad" one either. I'm tired of viewing dieting in terms of being good and bad. There's more to dieting than a basic black or white description of "how I'm doing." In short, this post is more of a realistic, here it is, I can't deny it or lie, type of post. I debated even writing it, but you know what? If I don't, my situation doesn't improve anyway, so I thought to myself, why avoid it?

I know I'm waaaaay late on the Christmas Dress Challenge post, so I apologize - but I wanted to get my "results" in anyway, because this blog is about honesty, and it's about accountability, no matter how ugly some weeks are. And this week? Well, this week is like Freddy Krueger on the ugly scale - just so you know.

Allow me to recap: I am just returning from a nice long weekend celebrating my 1 year anniversary. Sigh....I spent the past few days swimming in good memories and reminiscing about the happiest year of my life. Good times, indeed.

And make no mistake - by celebrating, I mean celebrating like a fat person. Not celebrating like a person who is is trying to lose weight. In other words, there was no calorie or point counting, or refusing of alcoholic beverages, or saying no to sweet indulgences that appeared in the shape of the top tier of my wedding cake. Oh no.

I know, I know - gasp all you want. It happened. There is no going back. Let's just say, I will not be receiving calls to be Jenny Craig's next spokesperson, nor will Jennifer Hudson have to give up her spot to make way for me as the new face of Weight Watchers.

BUT there were moments of sanity....moments that told me not all is lost. There was exercise - walks on the beach and into town with the dogs, riding bikes and well, other forms of exercise. Use your imagination (it was our anniversary, after all). A-hem......TMI????
Ok then.

In short, if I had to sum up what I feel like these days, it's a kind of like I'm going through diet schizophrenia. One day, I'm a 30-day shredding maniac, and the next day I'm Jabba the Hut. 
I gained 4 POUNDS this week (weighed in today). That's right - FOUR. I'm not making light of it - I'm just stating it as fact.
I could tell you I think it's period bloat, or I could tell you I think my scale is broken. Or I could just tell you I gained 4 pounds and call it a day.
I'm going with the last option.

I'm not really looking for any kind of pep talk over this. I'm not sure there is much to say other than I need to get my head screwed back on straight and get back to what I set out to do. I just wanted to man-up and post the news because when I began this challenge, I said I would.  I'm not going back on my word.

And as bullshitty as it sounds, I'm not giving up either. That's the funny thing about all of this. I haven't gone all completely "F-it" yet with trying to lose weight (despite the scale's unfortunate reading today), and maybe that's because I know that if I do, there will be no coming back. So when I said the time is now - it IS now. Meaning I won't let myself forget that even if I gain 4 pounds in a stinking week, that doesn't mean the fat lady has sung her final song. She hasn't. And she won't until she is thinner.
Much, much thinner.

So ladies, you'll get no excuses or "woe is me's" this week. Just a big ole plate of "this was my week and I could have done a WHOLE lot better." Don't hate me for it - just know I am glad you have heard me out.
Thanks for letting me get it off my chest.....