Monday, November 7, 2011

Fat in Motion

Have you ever had one of those days where you just feel like no matter what, you are doomed to live in a fat suit forever? I'm there a matter of fact, I have been there for a while now. Check any recent post of mine and you know that I have not been a successful life-style changer this past year. In a word, my attempts at dieting have SUCKED.

These days I am getting more and more reflective about it. Maybe because we are getting closer and closer to the end of the year and I am realizing (once again) just how much I have failed myself in 2011. I'm turning 40 at the end of December and that alone is enough to make me weep...Turning 40 while still residing in this body is a whole other level of hell.

I also made the mistake (or was it a blessing??) of watching video of myself from the summer and also some footage that was filmed more recently and I barely recognized the person I saw moving around on the screen in front of me. It's weird - I look at myself in the mirror and somehow I justify my appearance. Never mind the fact that my entire wardrobe no longer fits me. Denial baby - it ain't just a river in Egypt. However, a video, for whatever reason, gets my attention. Fat in motion....So. Not. Cool. But seriously? What did I THINK 230 pounds on a 5 foot frame looked like?? Damn, I have been kidding myself big time.

This isn't a get out a box of tissues and cry into my beer type of story....I don't do that anymore. I'm just stating facts because that's all I have. Those that read this blog regularly know I have been to the edge of my fatsanity before. There are no excuses, there are no words of comfort, there are no other bits of advice to get...I simply have to do it, and it must be on my own accord. End of story. The words are so simple to difficult for me to execute. WHY?

I am in desperate need of a jump start - at least this much I know is true. I need a clean sweep to detox my body from Halloween candy and all things carb and sugar-related. My body is letting me know it's so damn ready for this. I dug out my Rodale book - The Two Week Turnaround Diet and I think that just may be the thing I need. Something that is going to get me going again, because ladies, I have STALLED in place and my battery needs some definite charging.

I'm so afraid that if I don't get on it, the scale is just going to keep moving in the wrong direction again.... I'm at 230.5 - up .25 from Wed...yep - that's the wrong direction allright. Frig.

So....not good news report for the challenge update this week, OBVIOUSLY.
I'm not even going to say a word about the week ahead....I'm just going to do my detox and see how it goes. Goodbye carbs, hello veggies. Oh, and exercise. Let's not forget I need to begin an affair with that again too.
I'm sure you all have had a better week than I. Stay strong....I will live vicariously through your willpower!


  1. I think you can do this if you just get some "momentum". Starting over is HARD, and it takes a huge effort.

    I'm sure this won't help - but you are in a place I LONG to be. I weigh about 262lb and the 230s is a distant dream for me. I know thinking that "others are worse off" doesn't really help, I guess what I'm saying is that the starting point could be worse. I let myself get to 270+ before turning around, and that makes the road back even farther... Not sure where I'm going with this trail of thought, other than .. it's possible for all of us, and for you too! :)

  2. I have faith that you can do it and I really don't "know" you except from reading your posts. Anyone who writes as well as you do can figure out how to achieve what you want.

  3. I'm right with you my dear...Soooo unmotivated :(

  4. A lot of what you said here is exactly where I am at. Hugs! Hugs! Hugs! Hang in there.

  5. Yes, I believe you can do this. I did and am. I never thought I could. If I can, I believe you can. This may or not be your turn around point. Only time will tell. There is no magic: just eat less and move more. Find a way to do just that and you will be successful. Like I said before: if not now, when? You are at a moment of truth: watching that video has illuminated what you need to do. You can push it away and wait till you add on more pounds, or you can make the decision to do it, now. It will not be easy, but the benefits are tremendous. Completely worth it. You will need to figure out how to eat through the holidays and that big BD, but, again, you can do it.

    I want you to know that I ignored my weight, too, for years. I am 5'2" and started at 213. I am now closing in on 38 pounds lost. I am finally taking care of myself. Over time I have learned to plan for anything related to food and celebration. It took me a while and trial and error, but I did it. You can, too.

    My suggestion:
    Forget that diet above.
    Target a set amount of calories (like 1350 to start) per day
    BE serious about exercise: a short 15 minute walk (rigorous) will jump start you every day
    Write down what you eat
    Plan for holidays and of course your BD
    Take care of yourself by doing all the above: you are WORTH your own efforts!

    Remember: no tricks no magic. But it works to eat less and move more. You can do this. The mere fact that you continue to post tells me that you can. You just need to do it!

  6. You can do it!! Never give up on your goals!

  7. I have been here so many times, and am on the verge of being here again if I don't get my focus back. I like your plan of the two week turn around to detox the junk out, and then go on from there. I think it is a great place to well as getting back in the workout routine.

    Come on can do this ;)

  8. Michele is right. Slow and steady wins the race every time. Sometimes a detox can be a way of spurring you onward, but it can also make you feel deprived and very hungry! Hang in there.

  9. Have you ever looked at the SouthBeach Diet? Phase 1 last for 2 weeks and works to get rid of cravings. It worked for me when I got "stuck". I sort of incorporate it regularly in my diet now, they have some excellent recipes and very tasty too!

  10. Don't give up my dear, you can do it.

  11. I'm so happy to hear from you again. Sorry you are feeling so stuck. I can relate. Let's hope you find your momentum this time! :)

  12. I am 53 and looking back at 39 wish I had decided sooner to do this and many other things. There is a way you will find it and we all will be happy for you! The good thing about dieting is that if you do stray you still know you are on a diet and don't stray as much or as long.

  13. I read Michele's comment and I'm torn. I love her approach. I've long admired that of Cammy from the Tippy Toe diet. Both are into the slow but steady approach and have had great success with it. But I also know for myself that often cutting out all my triggers for two weeks makes a huge difference in cutting cravings. But, then again, I have returned to that crutch/approach time and time again. Maybe if I went with Michele's theory, I'd be "done." Whatever you decide, I'll be here rooting you on.

  14. Seriously, I could copy the majority of your post, and paste it right on my blog! I feel ya. I turn 40 on Feb. 1st, and I'm no near where I want to be, and everyday I ask myself - "WTF am I waiting for???!! What?!!", so, unfortunately, I have no great advice for you, but you are not alone. I know we can do this though. We know what to do, so let's do it!!!

  15. It is sooooo hard! I restarted yesterday and you should join me. Seriously I think we weigh about the same even! Don't let the fat win. Don't let it!!

  16. I really hope things get better and you find that healthy living mojo again. I wish I was full of pep and able to give you some pearls of wisdom, but alas we are struggling together. You have heaps of support here, you can do it.

  17. Yep, girl. I've been there. A lot. All I can tell you is that it takes a mindset. I just can't tell you how to get it. I think I've finally arrived. But, I also think that sabotage is right around the corner. It's been there before so...And I've talked and prayed and talked and cried and prayed and cursed and talked for so many years. WTH?! Oh what I wouldn't give for a magic wand...

    Oh, fatsanity? LOL

  18. We support you & we're cheering for you. You've got 5 pounds to go to get your pedicure - I'm thinking it will look lovely at Thanksgiving! Go for it.

  19. checking back in on you.
    It's wednesday now (!) how are things?


  20. I hope that things are going well. Seems like a while since I've read your blog, sorry. I've been a mess lately. I went crazy in Las Vegas and had to do a 3 day cabbage soup diet - no lie. It worked though. I gave up the carbs, etc. after that (not completely, but I got over the cravings for crap). You have to do it now. Don't let another day slip away from you.

  21. okay first -- thanks so much for the super sweet comment & encouragement -- means a lot to me!

    and girl... man oh man can i relate to this post -- turning 40 didn't bother me; but turning 40 in a body i didn't recognize let alone like was torture!

    sometimes ya gotta hit rock bottom before it really clicks. as my weight watcher leader says -- it is at our lowest & highest points that we get our biggest motivation. sounds like you are motivated -- no go with it! you got this!

    thanks again & happy to be your newest stalker! ;)

  22. In 2 weeks I will be binge free for 5 years and doing slow and steady for 8 years - and maintaining between 220 pounds weight loss. I vote with slow and steady. Time has shown it continues to work, whereas everything else seems to set us up for future failure.


  23. My daughter and I have just started this journey, good luck to you :) Karen

  24. Keep the faith. Just keep starting every single day making the effort, take those baby steps, forgive yourself when you stray off the path and get back on as quickly as possible. Forty is just a number and you already have everything it takes to be forty and fabulous. It will just be a bonus when you are forty, fabulous and fit. Rock on!