Can I Still Lose If I Choose To Booze?

I have a dilemma.....well, maybe dilemma is too strong a word. It's really more of a situation that I've been mulling around in my head and am wondering if anyone else does this, or at the very least has an opinion about it.

I like my cocktails - I always have. I'm not a booze hound with a problem, but I am one of those people that very much enjoys the act of relaxing with a drink. I don't chug my bevvie down like I'm a cheerleader at a frat party....I savor it. Strangely enough, I truly like the taste of alcohol.

Because I am doing this diet "my way",  I have allotted myself one night a week where cocktails are allowed. I don't mean I'm sucking down copious amounts of booze - but more like a glass or two of wine, or 2 lite beers or maybe a couple of martinis. This process allows me to feel like I am living normal life. I purposely chose my weigh in day as the day I get to drink because I figure I have the week to repair whatever caloric damage I have done by imbibing.

I know that most people really throw themselves into dieting with every fiber of their being and eliminate alcohol because, well, nobody really wants to drink their calories. I understand this concept fully and for the most part agree with it wholeheartedly. I spent many years taking in my daily recommended calorie allotment in the form of drink, and then consumed double that in food form. I understand just how abusive I was to my body back then. There is no question as to how I packed on the pounds...

I guess my question or dilemma is this: Can I have my alcohol and drink it too? I found several articles that say yes, an occasional drink is OK, and some that advise that I kick my libations to the curb. It's not that I can't do it....but more like I don't want to.

I do know that drinking comes with a price. Calorically speaking, it's a trade off. I can't expect the same results as I might if I don't get my drink on. But are a few drinks a week a diet killer? Am I setting myself up for failure by not being stricter about this?

What are your thoughts?

I Like Being a Loser

It's Friday again - and you know what that means - It's Weigh Day, y'all!!!!!
I'm happy to announce I lost another 1.75 lbs this week - and while that is hardly setting the world on fire, I will take it and be disgustingly happy with it! For so long I have watched the scale either creep up and up and up, or hover around around the same hideous number. Now it is (finally) starting to reverse itself and I couldn't be more pleased. Can I get an A-men?

While I am keeping the morning walking routine consistent (2.8 miles today), I know I could be doing more in the realm of exercise. But at least I am still seeing some positive signs on the scale, so you'll get no (major) complaints here. I'm not going to dispute the fact that my food intake and food choices have more to do with the losses this month than any sort of physical exertion - but yesterday I talked about really wanting to master that issue anyway - and so far, it is working. But I do want to eventually release the exercise whore that I think lives inside of me. She knows that it will take firing up the old metabolism to get all of this lard ass melted off. She wants to show me how it's done - but I haven't let her emerge just yet...

When I started this new blog, I told myself I had 100 weeks to lose 100 pounds - and I did this because that is not only a reasonable amount of time to take off the weight, but completely DOABLE.  Granted, 100 weeks is about as slow as I'd ever care to go, but if I can go faster, then great! Reaching that goal of "100 pounds lost" speedier than 100 weeks is definitely going to require me upping my game considerably. My inner exercise whore has been whispering to me that when I am tired of the slow pace of losing through food manipulation, she will be ready to really git 'er done. I feel her lacing up her sneakers as I write this.

My husband, on the other hand, actually likes this slow and steady approach I have adopted and tells me that I need to stay focused, keep doing what I am doing, and not get so hung up on trying to drop more than a pound a week. Maybe he's right. I don't know. One thing is for sure, I don't feel food or taste deprived and THAT has not been the case during my diets of yore. Come on - just look at some of the dinners I have had this week:

Flank Steak Stir-fry with Pinepapple, Red pepper & Onion

Bunless Turkey Burger with Grilled Corn on the Cob and Broccoli

Notice there are no pictures of the offensive pizza! Just healthy, colorful and satisfying meals. In NORMAL-SIZED portions. Frankly I don't even feel like I am dieting - but maybe that's the missing link I have been looking for! So many "diets" make you feel like you are missing out on good food. They either promote pre-packaged, portion controlled convenience (hello, Jenny Craig!) without ever really teaching you how to make these portion controlled meals on your own. I am a self-proclaimed foodie that LOVES to cook. I love, love, love stretching my culinary muscle, and this "diet" or "lifestyle" or whatever term you want to give it, is still allowing me to do it - and I'm HAPPY!

I guess in the end, you can't argue with success. And for me, success is all about the scale going down at this point, no matter how slow. I'll know when I need to switch things up. More and more I am becoming in tune with my body, my hunger, my cravings and my emotions surrounding when I eat, why I eat, and even how I eat (inhaling my food isn't quite uncommon, let's say). As Rachellabelle @ My Hips Don't Lie said in one of her comments - this is about a life long journey - and she's right. This is not something I am going to drop the second I reach goal. It's for life....

So, with that said, I'll be here, plugging along and enjoying the company I have of the people that are doing this with me, and those that might not be in the "losing game", but are here for support. Hope everyone has a great Friday and keep a watch out for some page updates on the blog over the weekend!

Ta ta, my friends!

Thursday's Musings...

Happy Thursday, my good people!

I'm feeling much better (and resolved of my pizza sins) after that confession yesterday. Today is a new day and I am back to feeling positive, empowered and in control. I think I simply need to accept that this kind of stuff is going to happen from time to time and getting my big ole' cotton panties all up in a massive twist isn't going to do anything but set me on a bad path (not to mention leave me with an excruciating wedgie). Staying positive and keeping my eye on the prize is key to getting past these blips on the dieting radar screen.

This morning Josh, the hounds, and I ventured out on a short 2.2 miler. The humidity was hovering at around 76%, which means I was sweating profusely and swatting gnats away from my head for a good portion of the walk. I'll be doing the elliptical or treadmill later (in a gnat free environment, thankfully) - as soon as I have access to my exercise room again. Josh is in there working while the guys who are installing the fireplace are all over the rest of the house. There is hammering and wood cutting and sawing and more hammering. Where are my earplugs when I need them?? At least they are cutting the wood in the backyard which is saving HUGE on the amount of dirt and construction mess inside. BUT our back screen door is sure taking some abuse. All day long it's in and out....in and out...in and out. I think we now have more flies in our house than can be found surrounding the asses of a zebra herd on the freakin' African Plains.

This summer has become known as "The Summer of Contractors" at our place...and frankly I am more than a little over having to work around these guys. Our house is in what seems like perpetual chaos - nothing has a "home" right now because 3 major spaces in our house (if you include the attic space) are being disrupted with the construction of the fireplace. The living room, our bedroom (the chimney is being built straight up through our bedroom closet) and our attic (where we store EVERYTHING). So the stuff that belongs in these spaces has been strewn about the rest of the house, making for a very, uh - unsettled existence at the moment.  Yes, it's all for the love of beautifying our home but damn - it's annoying as shit. We had painters here for almost a month in May/June and now we have the fireplace guys who have been here going on 2 weeks. It will be nice to get back to normal living once this is all said and done....(sigh). By that time, it might actually be time to throw a log in the fireplace. Oy vey.

In the meantime, I am working diligently on writing up my classroom observations for 2 of my field experiences. It is a long and tedious project that I won't bore you with the details about, but suffice it to say, I'd rather be doing ANYTHING else but this right now - and that even includes working out. I still have yet to post my "About Me" page (will try to get to that this weekend) but just to give you an idea of what this project is all about, I will give you this tid bit: I am 2 semesters away from getting my masters degree and teaching certificate in elementary education. It's quite the switch from my past life of working in the fashion industry for nearly 15 years - but I will get more into that on my page and you will be able to read about it there. Technically I have one more semester of classes and then I will student teach in the Spring. But I have 90 hours of field work to complete (I have already done 60) and there is a huge write up I need to do for each observation placement (each placement is 30 hours of class observation time). It is exciting and scary - especially to be on the cusp of 40 and in the midst of what seems like a 180 degree switch-a-roo of a career change. But I am ready.....I think.

There really isn't too much else to report....tomorrow is weigh day, and although 4 slices of pizza tarnished the menu this past week, the rest of my eating has been relatively "blemish-free." Tonight we are having turkey burgers (sans the bun) and corn on the cob and broccoli. I had 2 eggs, a wedge of Laughing Cow cheese and two tomato slices on high fiber, 100 calorie english muffin for breakfast and frankly I'm not even thinking about lunch. At least not yet. It could be the belly-filling 32 oz of sun tea I am drinking right now. I make it with fresh lemon juice and Splenda...it shakes things up versus drinking straight water all of the time. I have found that if I want to get in my liquid allotment (shooting for 64 oz a day at the least), chances are they need to be flavored with something to get it all down. I figure this tea isn't the worst thing I could be drinking right now (watermelon martini anyone??). Damn - now I am thinking about martinis.

Anyhoo - since tomorrow is weigh day I have been thinking about weight loss rewards for pounds lost. Based on many of the blogs I have read, people often set rewards based on 10 lb increments, which is also a good time to take update photos to show weight loss progress in the physical sense. I am always thinking of ways to reward myself (sadly in the past, rewards have revolved around food. Common story or what?) but I also have some ideas brewing about non-food rewards I'd like to earn...more on that tomorrow. Fingers crossed for another loss this week. Pizza be damned.

A Bump In The Road

Well, it has been quite the week so far - and it's only Wednesday!
Thanks to all who posted about my mom and her recovery - I am happy to say that she was in great spirits after the surgery and did amazingly well yesterday when the nurses got her up to walk the first time. She is a real trouper! I know she has a long road ahead and the real pain will probably come once she is in rehab, but she is a tough cookie and she is determined to push on through, no matter how much it hurts.

I think I could take a cue or two from that way of thinking. Push through, no matter what the pain. Josh and I are now back to walking but I know I need to push myself harder in terms of exercise. You know what I'm talking about -  investing a little more "sweat equity" into this weight loss thing. I go back and forth between telling myself it's OK to take it slow and really resolve the eating issue first (since I think that is the biggest culprit to my ample girth anyway) and then once I have that figured out, jump on the exercise bandwagon hard core. I have been known to swan dive head first into both restricted eating and abundant exercise in my previous attempts at weight loss, and I usually get burned out on one or the other faster than you can say pepperoni pizza. Usually it is the food that gets me before my exercise mojo wears out - but after a few lousy calorie-laden meals and overstuffed helpings, that too disappears quickly thereafter.

There are so many things that have side tracked me in my weight loss attempts, that I cringe when I think about them. This time I am really trying to get to the core of why I failed in the past. Eating is something we humans HAVE to do to survive. In that instance, food addiction is difficult because we need to eat everyday. There is no getting around it and it's hard because we are forced to face that demon each day just to stay alive and be healthy. Because let's face it, if you think being fat is bad, try being dead.

This week has been stressful. I didn't do well dealing with my mom going under the knife and lost a lot of sleep agonizing over what could go wrong with this surgery.  I am a horrible worry-wart, apparently. I got to the surgery center in the morning and had a small bagel for breakfast and nothing else through out the afternoon. By 7:00 PM, I was ready to eat damn near anything. With that said, I will confess that I broke down and ate pizza after getting home from the hospital at about 8:15. It is the first time I have had pizza since the beginning of the month - and although that may not sound like anything to you, it is to me. (My husband makes the world's best pizza crust - as in touch yourself delicious. This is the pizza crust dreams are made of. No lie.)


The problem is, I didn't cheat on my diet with his good pizza - it was take-out pizza from a place nearby. The crust was mediocre at best. Kind of tasteless really. Definitely not Josh's orgasmic cust by any stretch of the imagination. A waste of calories, if I am being honest. HOWEVER....Four, yes I said FOUR slices later, I not only felt like crust but I had that nagging bitch of a voice in the back of my head yelling, "Now what the hell did you go and do a thing like that for?" Good question, my dear conscience. Good effing question.

Lack of preparation, tiredness and convenience are probably the biggest reasons pizza made it into this house on Monday (at least it's a far cry from the days when 2 pizzas were the norm). Josh worked long hours and wasn't able to get dinner made and I was at the hospital until 7:00 and had an hour ride home. Pizza seemed, I dunno....justifiable.

I know it wasn't - or maybe it was - but four slices were not, no matter what the circumstance. So, again, this is why I feel I need to dedicate the time and energy to getting the food thing right first because when push comes to shove, I want to be able to resist those "convenient" temptations and have that Plan B in my back pocket, ready to go. Yes, I needed food, but I just ended up eating the wrong thing. And in quantities I cannot justify - period. But at least this is becoming more the occasional slip up, and not the norm. I really have been doing well on the eating front and notice the changes in my behavior - I'm really watching portions (pizza debacle aside), no second helpings, drinking water so that I feel fuller. And it is working. Despite living through Pizzageddon on Monday night, my scale this morning says I am still am down a pound from Friday. But since this Friday is official weigh day, that's off the record. :-)

In the end, I am trying not to make too big of a deal of this. I know there will be spills and trips and other crap to try to throw me off course at times, and I need to not give them too much importance or they will consume me, and that 'why bother' mentality will try to sneak in and sabotage everything. But I am determined. There is no falling off the horse this time - just temporary moments where a a good buck or two causes me to have to readjust myself on the saddle.

Consider me now readjusted.

Choosing Not To Follow In Mom's Footsteps (for Good Reason)

Is it really Monday already?

The weekend seemed to fly by, despite my feeling sluggish most of the weekend due to the horrendous heat wave. With multiple days in a row in the 100's, walks outside were non-existent and even indoor workouts weren't that plentiful - I only got in two 20 minute workouts on the elliptical machine. Add the nasty heat, to my lovely corneal ulcer that I am dealing with, and suffering pain from Aunt Flo - and it's fair to say I wasn't quite feeling myself. And when I am not feeling myself, things just plain old suck.

Friday night Josh and I thought we'd escape the heat by having dinner with friends at a Thai restaurant we've been wanting to try in Bethehem - only to get there and realize that the air-conditioning at the restaurant was barely working. We sweat bullets through dinner (and it wasn't because of the spicy-factor of the food) and came home to a hotter than hell bedroom, which required an hour wait until the window unit air-conditioner had a chance to work it's magic and get the room to a balmy 82 degrees. Ugh.

Right now I am writing from my mom's hospital room. She is currently in surgery for a double knee replacement, and I am hanging out, watching a riveting episode of Family Feud and trying to keep busy until we hear from the doctor. My mom's knees have been deteriorating for years now, and have come to the point of really affecting her walking capability and being the source of excruciating pain. While my mom is not severely overweight, she was a bit heavier years ago and spent a lot of her time on ladders remodeling her home (scraping paint and refinishing woodwork) or on the floor (washing up hardwood or kitchen linoleum). While she was "active" in the sense that she was always busy doing something, my mom never really did any aerobic activity to speak of. She wasn't exactly sedentary, but she didn't walk for the purpose of exercise so she didn't have much muscle tone in her legs (especially her thighs).

Her poor knees suffered for it for years and now she needs new ones. And she's getting them today.

It's going to be very difficult to see my mom in so much pain. She chose to get both knees done at the same time because she has heard horror stories of how painful the recovery is and thought she may never go back and get the second one done - and she desperately needs them both. It is a lesson to me to get this weight off before I, too, have to face such a decision.

At age 39 (and fast approaching 40) I am very much aware that I am no longer a "spring chicken." But that doesn't mean I am willing to accept that my body cannot be strong and healthy. I know that it can - but it needs work. Lots and lots of work. When I think about the alternatives to not exercising and getting stronger and healthier, I see a future with more issues than I care to deal with, and that isn't how I want to live the rest of my life. And I won't.

So, because I am not sure how long I will be here today, starting tomorrow, I am back in the exercise saddle. Morning walks and afternoon work outs with either the elliptical, treadmill or recumbent bike. Weights for my upper body work out. 

In other words, making an investment in my future.

Hey, it's Weigh Day!

Happy Friday, everyone. The weekend is finally here!!

It's funny, but even for how long I have been unemployed, I still love the feeling that Friday eludes - a sense of the the week being put behind you and having two whole days to do as you please. Well, in Weightloss Land that's not exactly true. There is no more "do as you please" - especially if "doing as you please" has normally involved things such as indulging in donuts, ice cream and pizza, as it has with me.

I am trying very hard to define my new "norm" which isn't the easiest thing to do.  I will be very happy when I don't relate those aforementioned ass-expanding food items as something that I would really like to eat on a regular basis. And while I haven't really had wild cravings for them, and don't consider myself struggling in any way, I know that one day those cravings will hit me like a ton of bricks, and I will want to dive head first into a Dunkin' Donuts counter, mouth wide open. I haven't quite figured out how I will handle that feeling just yet, when it does arrive. I do know that I will fight it with all I've got, kicking and screaming the whole powder-sugar covered way.

Friday now also represents something else for me. It is the day I have chosen for my weigh-ins. I remember when I was a Weight Watchers member in NYC and I weighed in on a Monday. What a disaster that was. It was like walking to the gallows every Monday evening, wondering what my weekend indulgences did this time. I like Friday in that it will show me my progress for the week and hopefully hold me accountable for my actions on the weekend. If I do good and show a loss, the hope is that my success will motivate me to stay on course and continue the behaviors of the past week to further propel my weight loss. If I have a gain (gasp!), the hope is that I realize that I need to adjust my behaviors so the gain does not go from a small snowball to an avalanche over the course of the next week. It's happened - I speak from total experience here knowing that I have let things like a 2 lb gain turn into 10lbs and beyond. My thought now is that I can take the weekend to regroup, reassess, and get back into action - accept the gain and do what I need to do in order to reverse it. No beating myself up, just get back on track.

Overall, I have to say this week was a good week. My only real indulgences were 2 glasses of wine, but the eating part has been dare I say it - easy???? I don't want to jinx myself but hey, it's gotta be said that I feel like I am finally getting my head screwed on straight about this whole eating thing. Last evening Josh and I went to the grocery store to load up on more fruits and veggies. I am pretty sure our produce bills are going to put us in the freaking poorhouse.

Speaking of produce - I picked up this pineapple yesterday - it appears it may have been gipped of it's top "plume" just a bit (what is the technical term for the top of the part of pineapple, anyway? The leaves???). I thought it was sort of cute looking, so I bought it:

Pineapple with a bad haircut

Oh, and regarding the home gym - it's not quite all there yet (we can't agree on the positioning of the equipment) but it's getting there....I will post a pic as soon as it is complete. The problem we have now is where to install the TV and also which direction to place the treadmill so that it doesn't look like it's just sitting in the middle of the room when it's folded up (even folded it is a big momma). I like it up against the wall but then when you're on it, you are just staring at a blank wall (which I am Ok with since I listen to my iPod anyway). But Josh wants it facing the TV which does make more sense, but it really screws with the set up of the room. Oh well, I am sure we'll figure it out. For now, I can at least get to the elliptical and the bike (now if we could only find the cord to the bike we'd be golden). Ah, chaos at it's finest.

Soooooo - back to the real subject at hand - My weigh in!!!! I am proud to say I lost 3 lbs this week (and this is even with the old bitch Aunt Flo in town) - I'm down to 230.75 lbs. I'll take it! I know moving this ample arse will also make a huge difference so here's hoping for another great week!

Stay cool, my friends!

Clearing out the crap

Holy Heat Wave, people!
This disgusting weather is really doing a number on my motivation to get outside and exercise. It's 10 AM and 87 degrees already. I just got back from a quick walk to the corner deli for some milk and the air was just so....uh, thick. This kind of weather makes me have only one thought: My butt should be at the beach. End of story.

Since that's not my reality at the moment, I need to suck it up and put plan B into action. Today I am going to *finally* clean up the rest of the red room (not to be confused with "redrum" from The Shining), so dubbed because the walls are painted bright red - see below). It used to be a spare bedroom but we decided to take down the bed and convert it into a mini home gym of sorts. At least that was the plan.  I had promised myself (and Josh) that once summer classes were over and we got back from vacation, I'd haul ass in there and get everything organized so that the gym equipment could be arranged in a way that made it actually user friendly. Well, let's just say classes were over June 30th and here is the state of the room as of this very moment:

Oh, what a friggin' mess!

I think I see an elliptical machine in there somewhere...

A treadmill and recumbent bike are under there somewhere...

I have a shelf full of stuff from the wedding (which was back in October, incidentally) and some various fabrics I have a hard time departing with (I still have dreams of making something with them), and bins full of supplies and materials and books I will need for school and when I finally have a classroom of my own. The question is where to go with all of it??? I have tried to sort through some stuff and believe it or not, this room actually shows progress from the state it was in a few months ago. However, I still need to find a home for the plastic bins of shit important things because right now they are the biggest hindrances to getting this room in shape -  so that I can get in shape!

There is a part of me that fears I may have some mild hoarder mentality at times (have you seen that show?? SCARY!) because I seem to have a hard time parting with things - even things I know really won't effect me or my life if I get rid of them. I desperately need to break that habit because this room alone is a clear indication of what happens when you don't chuck crap that you don't need, or at the very least organize it in some manner that makes sense. There are times, however, (and I am reaching that point now) that I want to just scrap everything and start anew. Part of it is this "new" journey I have embarked on. I think of the process as not only de-cluttering the space in which I live, but also de-cluttering the mind, and allowing me to focus on the things that are most important - like getting healthy and exercising.  By not cleaning this room up, I am single-handedly sabotaging my own workouts. And that's so not cool, and I know it.

I've never been a neat-nick by any stretch of the imagination - but it seems the older I get the more I crave order and want to live to a more simple existence with less "stuff" around me that has no value. Oh, and do we have stuff! My husband and I combined each of our 36 years of separate living into one back in 2008 and the house just sort of exploded. We are beyond ready for a good weeding out of stuff - and I think that once we do, we will feel all the better for it.

I often wonder if the self-diagnosed hoarder in me is a part of my past issues with food. Not being able to throw anything away - not being able to let a plate exist with food still on it. Feeling like I had to stuff myself with bad-for-me "stuff", ironically enough to make me feel better - if only for a nano-second. With each day that passes, I learn a thing a two about myself. I'm finally dedicating time to THINK about my issues, instead of just complain about them and blame my weight on lack of will power. I know that isn't the real issue. It never is....

Anyway, I hope to achieve some progress here today so that by tomorrow this will be a fully functioning space to work out! Tomorrow is also weigh in day and I am both excited and nervous about what the scale will reveal. Hope everyone is having a good day and staying cool!

I also just want to say how happy I am to have made some new connections with fellow bloggers. Thank you for your comments and support! It is wonderful to be able to share this ride with people you know are working toward similar weight loss goals! Good luck to all of you!