I am not sure if I can properly express the gratitude I feel for the support this blogging community has given me - and I am humbled by how many people "come to the rescue" at a time when you really need it most. This was never more apparent to me than it was yesterday.
As I am sure most of you already gathered, yesterday morning I had been feeling pretty low and my post certainly reflected that. There was an incredible amount of self-doubt and disappointment I was allowing to grow inside of me, and I knew it was affecting my whole way of thinking about losing weight. But I wanted to be honest with everyone about how I felt (at that moment) in terms of where I am both physically and mentally in this journey. One thing I never want to do here is lay down some BS that has everyone thinking my weight loss journey is all rainbows and bluebirds and pots of gold when in reality, it's the exact opposite. That does me absolutely no good, and it would defeat the purpose of blogging entirely. I pretty much wear my emotions and thoughts on my sleeve, or in this case, on my computer screen, so rest assured, you'll always know "the real skinny" about what's going on here in Fatville, NJ.
With that said, I never expected so many supportive, inspiring and motivating comments to come out of such a "downer" post - but I am extremely grateful to those who replied because it made a world of difference for my psyche both yesterday afternoon and today (the replies are still coming in!).
What I love best is that many of you gave me the tough love I so desperately needed - but you also did so with a kindness and compassion that I don't ever recall getting from people I have never met in the flesh (or even family members when it came to my weight issues - my cousin Andrea excluded - she is an awesome cheerleader!!!). You all told me what works for you (which I asked for), you gave me great suggestions on how to better organize my eating plan so that failure isn't an option, you gave me online tools I can use to help track what I eat, you gave me the offer of one on one support if I needed it, you confirmed that this is NOT an easy ride and that you understand what this is like and why it's important to take control, and overall all, you just showed me that you care and are invested in my success too. And a few of you even asked me some very tough questions I have been too afraid to ask myself. Michele at Ruminations and Uncovering: Toward a New Me grabbed me with this particular question: If not now, when?
I stared at those words for a little while and repeated them to myself aloud. If not now, when? When I think of the magnitude of that question, it really blows my socks off and I'll tell you why. When I was a teenager, I told myself by the time I was 20, I would have my weight under control. When I hit 20 and my weight continued to balloon, I thought age 25 would be the magic number and I would finally look and feel the way I wanted. When I turned 25, and nothing had changed, I was sure by my 30th birthday I could beat this problem. Age 30 came and went and so did 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38 and 39. I am now just about 3 months from my 40th birthday, weighing 229 pounds, which is about 6 pounds less than my highest weight ever. If not now, when?????
Time stands still for no one - I have learned this the hard way. I am so tired of playing the "weighting" game with myself that I know the answer to Michele's question is this: The time IS now. All of those "if not now, when?" moments have come and gone....I have no more time to spare. I'm am doing this NOW.
There is so much more I could write about this, but I am not dwelling on the past, because it gets me nowhere. I just wanted you all to know that your comments are not in vain - I have gained valuable gems from them and am thankful you gave the time to stop by and offer your support.
And just so you know I am true to my word, I DID jump back into the Shred yesterday, and I was right - it was hard. Not as hard as Day 1 though. Apparently it takes more than 3 days for your body to go completely back to hell. I got up an did it again this morning, followed by an hour walk with my husband and the dogs.
I feel like a new woman today.
Gosh, I wish the weight loss journey was all rainbows and bluebirds and pots of gold. But if it was, then everyone would do it. No, it's more of a journey where you're being dragged through mud while expected to run over 20 different obstacles while being sprayed by a fire hose in 100 degree weather. But it's all the crap we go through that makes the victory worth it. So keep dragging. Eventually they will turn off the damn hose and you will get to stand up victorious.
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you feeling better today. We've all been there. I have many times. But you never give up and you never stop. I wish I new why somedays you feel like you're doing AWESOME and others you feel like nothing is working, all the time you're doing the same thing.
ReplyDeleteI'll say this....in every study on weight loss, every method, every drug, the one thing that made the most difference in weight loss was KEEPING a food diary........just do it. You'll be glad you did. Keep going.......
"If not now, when??" Yup, I often wonder what I've been waiting for, too. My doctor asked me that a few years ago, "What are you waiting for??"" - I didn't have an answer, and I still don't. I'll turn 40 in four months, and I WILL be a healthier by then. I will not spend my 40's as an obese person, and neither will you. We know what we need to do, Rochelle, so let's do it!!!
ReplyDeleteMichele is one smart cookie. Okay, maybe a food reverence was not the best idea:) Anyhow, glad to hear the optimism today. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteHooray for a new day. I am having my ups and downs too. I'm disappointed by how much my weight loss has slowed down despite increased activity and lowered food points. But, I need to work on that negative mindset. Because, at the very least, my weight is going down. I understand that it's easy to lose motivation. Trust me, I didn't even want to eat dinner last night because I was so bored with it. haha But, better bored than fat! Or, so I told myself. ;)
ReplyDeleteSo glad things are looking a little better for you today.
ReplyDelete"If not now, when??" is a great mantra. I love reading your blog, you always give me something to think about.
I'm glad you're feeling better, and well done for going back to the shred! I don;t know if I'm going to give it a go or not, I could probably make the pace work, but things like jumping jacks on a third floor room is a big no no!
ReplyDeletethe linky is up!
ReplyDeleteYou're right, this is NOT an easy journey. Not easy at all. But it is the one we're on. Together. So glad you're feeling better. There will be good days and bad days. Just remember to focus on today and today only. Leave yesterday behind and tomorrow until tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteI am jumping through cyber space and giving you a great big HIGH Five! You can do this, Rochelle. You can. It is hard. It is slow. Take one step, one meal, one day at a time. There are no gimmicks and don't go off track thinking there are. REsolution. Determination. That is what it takes. I will be here cheering you on. So much of this journey is about figuring out why we eat in the first place. You will learn so much about yourself. Wow! I am SOOOOO happy for you that you are resolved and figuring it out. Best post I read all day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wahoo!!! Michele
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